“’Hello heartbreak we meet again’?”
“No, that isn’t right.”
“Look we’ve been at this for hours, I think it’s time we took a break.”
“Fine you can go outside, I need to keep thinking.”
“You really should rest. I’ve never seen you work this hard.”
“If I’m not going to bleed myself dry for my first album then I might as well quit now.”
“Okay then. I’ll get us some food and we can keep working.”
“……”
“I’ll see you later.”
None of this was right. The words didn’t make sense and the music didn’t make her feel anything at all.
Not like before.
Not with him.
She could still remember the last time she saw him, before he disappeared into the trees. The leaves reflected the quiet light from his skin. She thought about that moment more than she cared to admit.
“I can’t write a song with broken instruments.”
Music was the only way she could speak. That inspiration was his parting gift, she thought. She still didn’t think it made up for the fact she was alone.
“I barely understood it but it gave me a voice.”
Her world was a globe filled with broken islands and frozen wastes, but she knew she had one last thing left to say. Even if no one would hear it.
“
Nothing was ever going to change us
Not even each other
All you did was inspire
Until we had to expire
But if there was one thing
I learned from living
Without you
Every breath you ever had
Was the only gift I ever wanted
“
She wondered if this would make a good song and strummed her guitar as she read the words again.
It was like a nightmare. She couldn’t feel the music, and that was all his fault. Or maybe it was hers. She didn’t know what she was getting into, or maybe she did and she just wanted to live in denial.
She screamed.
It wasn’t a scream of pain, or frustration. She screamed because she needed to feel alive again, needed to feel something that could get her heart to pound, but this attempt, like all the others, failed.
She needed to see him, needed to feel him. The touch of his luminescent skin, the sound of his otherworldly voice filled her entire being. It was almost too much to bear. Almost.
“
You were the boy
Of my dreams
But you were the boy
That dreams were made of
Too good to be true
Made me feel
Not good enough
And all you left behind
Was a scared little girl
And her broken heart
“
She knew this was a fragment of a future song, one she would finish witting when the sadness took over in the middle of the night. But it wouldn’t be this night. Tonight, she would remember her enchanted ex-lover. She stared at the moon and let the memories flow through her.
Her lola introduced her to him, though in the strangest way. She had heard stories since she was a little girl.
“The Lewenri have glowing skin and are incredibly handsome, just like your lolo,” she could hear her lola’s voice in her head as clear as the moonlight. “They play beautiful music with their soft voices and are the downfall of humans filled with pride.”
Maybe that’s what was happening. Her broken heart is punishment for her pride. She was foolish to think that something like him could love a girl like her.
The worst part was she knew that he loved her. She couldn’t bear to see him cry, and it hurt her chest even now to think about the tears that rolled his beautiful face.
“
Arrogant girl
Love yourself so
No one else has to
“
Another faded set of lyrics from a song no one will hear, another random list of words that made it easier to bear the hole in her heart, another reason to hate remembering him.
But remembering him was all she could do.
It was a sun-scorched afternoon. She and her guitar were visiting her lola’s house to get away from the bustle of the city. She couldn’t believe what a little rest and relaxation would do for her creativity. The music just shot out of her like a rocket.
And it did not go unnoticed.
She laughed when she first saw him, a half-naked man wandering around the forest. She nicknamed him ‘Tarzan’ when he went to say hi.
He was beautiful.
She blushed against her will the first time she heard his voice. The only thing she could compare it to was the time she heard a full orchestra, all the notes working together in harmony and fusing together into a single whole.
Those were the days she would keep in hear heart, long past when her mind would forget them. It was only a week, maybe two. Time lost all meaning when she was with him.
Her fingers strummed the guitar and she sang, almost involuntarily.
“
It was my fault
That my heart broke
When we spoke
We were betrayed
By our hearts
I’m sorry
I miss you
I’m sorry
It’s over
I can’t let go
I need you to remind me
What we had
What we could have
What we lost
“
Written by Karl Gaverza
Copyright © Karl Gaverza
Inspired by the Lewenri entry in Myth Museum. Medina. 2015.
Lewenri Illustration by Marc Magpantay
