*Note this story is in Tagalog-Marinduque
Ang isang gab-i ng kasiyahan ay maaalala mo hanggang walang hanggan.
Umabot ng sampung taon bago niya matutunan ang leksyon na iyan. Ang mga gab-i niya ay nadaan nang napapalibutan ng ilaw at napapaligiran ng mga estranghero.
Gustong gusto niya ang musika habang ito ay bumabalot sa buong kataw-an n’ya. Mahal niya ang mga bagong tao nadating sa buhay niya, ang mga nakakasabik na mga mangyayari. May mga inumin na hindi naman n’ya alam kung paano abigkasin at mga bituin na hindi n’ya maintay na maalala. Ang buhay mandin n’ya ay isang handaan at lahat ay kumbidado.
Pero nagsimula na niyang maramdaman ito.
Naitago ng impeksyon nang maigi ang sarili n’ya, lumipas ang ilang mga taon bago magpakilta ang mga totoong senyales. Inalagnat siya at parang naging kalakaran na ito. Pagod siya palagi kaht wala namang dahilan para mapagod siya. At iyon na ngani, mayroon siyang mga bukol.
Ang sabi ng mga doktor ay inalabanan ng katawan niya ang impeksyon. May mga gab-i na lagi siyang nagadasal na malabanan niya pa ito.
Hindi niya inaisip pero ‘yan ang inaisip ng mga tao kapag naaalaman nila. Pagkatapos ng napakaraming masasamang mga pangyayari ay hindi na niya ito binanggit sa iba pa kahit pa sa mga kapamilya at mga kaibigan n’ya. Kung paano nila siya tingnan, iyon talaga ang nagbago. Dati inatingnan siya ng mga tao dahil sa ganda n’ya, pero ngay-on kaya?
Ngay-on ay ito na ang buhay n’ya.
Ang mga gamot laban sa impeksyon, ito dapat mandin ang magaligtas sa kanya, pero hindi ito ang mesias na magliligtas sa kanya. Ang nagagawa lamang nito ay pabagalin ang pagkalat ng virus sa kanyang kataw-an. Pwede din siyang mabuhay nang normal o malapit sa normal hangga’t maaari.
Wala na mandin siyang ibang gusto kundi magtatakbo pabalik sa dati niyang buhay, ‘yung madidilim na gab-i at maiinit na pagnanasa, ‘yung makakahanap siya ng isang estranghero at sabay nilang apanoorin ang bukangliwayway. Pero siya ay natanda na at nararamdaman na niya ang bigat ng kanyang pagsisisi na para bagang inalapit siya sa lupa.
‘Ika n’ya’y hindi s’ya makukulong sa kanyang mga inapagsisihan.
Mahaba pa ang buhay na kailangan n’yang maranasanan. Kahit napakarami pang tag-araw na malipasan siya, naasa siya palagi na may mas magandang bukas ang madating, ang nagahintay sa kanya.
Nagaintay para lamang sa kanya.
Nagbakasyon siya mula sa trabaho. Akala ng iba ay dahil Mahal na Araw na. Inaasahan nilang makakita ng mga letrato niya sa tabing dagat, nainom ng masarap na inumin at nakabilad sa arawan.
Pero ang kanyang misyon at kailangang gawin ay malayong-malayo sa magaan at masarap na buhay na inaakala ng iba.
Nagsaliksik siya, may mga kwento na nalabas daw ito sa taguan para humanap ng marami pang mabibiktima. ‘Yung mga batang ang mga puso ay agawing anting-anting.
Tinitigan niya ang sako sa likod ng sasakyan n’ya. Tumigil na itong gumalaw ilang oras na ang lumipas. Nakonsensya siya. Ito baga talaga ang gusto niynag gaw-in?
Inalis na niya ‘yun sa isip n’ya. Hindi na s’ya maikakahon sa isang bagay laang. Kailangang magsakripisyo ng ilang mga bagay para masiguradong makukuha n’ya ang kanyang premyo.
Walang nakakaalam kung ano baya ang itsura nu’n. May nagasabi na mukha daw itong kambing na walang sungay at mukha ding asong nagalakad ng patalikod. May iba namang nagasabi na para itong pusa na mukhang demonyo na may maitim na balat. May isa pang kwento na nagasabing mukha itong uwak na may pakpak at may paa na kagaya ng tipaklong at kaya nitong tumalon.
Ang alam niya ay ito laang ang kakatulong sa kanya.
Kinuha n’ya ang sako at naghintay sa parang hanggang dumilim. Gustong gusto na niyang magsigarilyo pero sabi nila ay baka matakot daw ito sa usok kaya hindi na n’ya sinubukan.
Hinawakan n’ya ang baril malapit sa kanyang dibdib at umupo laang nang tahimik. Narinig niyang nakaluskos ang sako pagkatapos ng ilang oras pero hindi na niya ito inagpapansin.
Napapapikit na siya nang maaninaw niyang may malaking maitim na kung ano ang nagalaw papunta sa kanya. Napakabilis nito, mabilis kaysa sa inaasahan n’ya.
Nagkatinginan sila sa mata at itinutok n’ya ‘yung hawak n’yang baril.
Nagpaputok siya ng apat na beses at nawala na ang nilalang. Hindi aniya pwedeng umabot siya nang pagkalayo para lamang mauwi sa wala. Ay ‘di hinabol n’ya ang nilalang at nakita n’yang may maitim na katas sa lupa.
Tinamaan pala ito nang isa sa mga pagpapaputok n’ya.Yanong bilis ng tibok ng puso n’ya. Lumuhod s’ya doon sa katas, kumuha siya mula rito at nilunok ito.
Napakapait nito parang singpait ng apdo.
Ganito ang lasa ng kalayaan.
English Version
A night of fun can follow you forever.
It took her 10 years to learn that lesson. Her nights were spent bathed in lights and surrounded by strangers.
She loved the rush of the music as it spread through her body. She loved the new people, the exciting scenes. There were drinks she couldn’t pronounce and stars she couldn’t wait to remember. Her life was a party and everyone was invited.
But then she started to feel it.
The infection hid itself well, years would pass before the real signs showed. Fevers would be a normal occurrence, she would feel tired every day without reason. And there were the bumps.
The doctors told her that it was her body fighting against the infection. There were nights where she prayed they would fight harder.
She didn’t think, that’s what most people assumed when they found out. After enough bad experiences she stopped talking about it, even to her family and friends. It was the way they looked at her that changed, people used to see her for the beauty that she was, but now?
Now this was her life.
Antiretrovirals, they were supposedly her savior, but they could never quite come down from the cross. All they did was slow the progress of the virus in her body, she could live a normal life, or as close to normal as possible.
There was nothing more she wanted than to run back to her old life, of dark nights and wild passions, of finding the stranger that she would watch the sunrise with. But she was getting old and she could feel the weight of regrets keeping her close to the ground.
She would not be a prisoner of her regret.
There was still the rest of her life she needed to live. No matter how many summers passed over her, she still had hope that the future was there, waiting.
Waiting just for her.
She took a leave from work for vacation, everyone assumed it was because of the Holy Week. They expected to see pictures of her by a beach, sipping on a sweet drink and lazing in the sun.
But her true mission was far removed from the leisure and luxury that others had come to expect.
She did her research, there were tales that it went out of hiding during that time to look for more victims, children whose hearts it would make into an amulet.
She stared at the sack in the back of her car. It had stopped moving hours ago and she felt a pang of guilt. Was this really what she wanted to do?
She chased away those thoughts. She would not be defined by one thing, not anymore. Certain sacrifices would have to be made to ensure that she would find her prize.
No one knew what it looked like. There were stories of hornless goats and dogs that walked backwards. There were other tales of cat like demons with black skin. There was even a legend of a crow like body with wings and grasshopper like legs that it used to leap.
All she knew was that it was the last thing that could help her.
She took the sack and waited in the field until night fell. Her body craved cigarettes, but smoke might scare the creature off and she wouldn’t take that chance.
She held the gun close to her chest and sat silently. The bag started to rustle after a few hours, but she ignored it.
Her eyes were heavy when she spotted a large black spot moving towards her. It was fast, faster than she expected.
It reached the sack and carried it in its mouth. The creature was strong and stared at her.
Their eyes met and she raised the gun.
Four shots and the creature was gone. She couldn’t have come this far just to be left with nothing. She ran to where the beast was and spotted a small pool of black liquid on the ground.
One of her shots hit it. Her heart raced as she knelt to the liquid. She took some in her hands and swallowed.
It tasted of bitterness and bile.
It tasted of freedom.
*The version of Tagalog spoken in Marinduque, known as the Marinduque Tagalog, has been described as “the root from which modern national forms of speech have sprung,” where remnants of archaic Tagalog could be found, spoken in a lilting manner by its inhabitants.
Written by Karl Gaverza
Translation by Hazel Rodelas
Copyright © Karl Gaverza
Translation Copyright © Hazel Rodelas
Inspired by the Sigbin myths
Sigbin Illustration by Leandro Geniston from Aklat ng mga Anito
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