*Note this story is in Tagalog
“Hindi mo ‘to makukuha hangga’t ‘di ka bumabalik sa katinuan,” iyan ang sinabi ni Mimi nang kunin niya ang susi ko.
Pilit kong sinasabi sa kanila na ayos lang ako at kaya kong magmaneho kahit pa nakainom. Isa pa, sampung minuto lang din ang layo ng bahay ko kaya hindi ako maaaksidente. Pero ayaw nilang makinig. May parte sa akin na nagpapasalamat dahil may mga kaibigan akong gaya nila, pero mas naiinis ako ngayon dahil kailangan kong maglakad pauwi sa kalaliman ng gabi.
Nagpresenta sina Jherick at Deng na samahan akong maglakad ilang kanto ang layo sa bahay ko, pero dahil sa kalasingan ay sinabi kong layuan nila ako. Hindi ko alam kung bakit ganito ako, hindi ko dapat itinataboy ang mga kaibigan ko lalo na ngayon.
Mula nang maghiwalay kami ni Grace, puro paglalasing na ang inaatupag ko at pinagtatabuyan ang sino mang magtatangkang kausapin ako. Hindi nawala ang suporta sa akin ng mga kaibigan ko pero heto ako at sinisira ang pagkakaibigan namin. Hindi ako karapat-dapat sa kanila.
Lalo na kay Mimi, ang pinakamamahal kong si Mimi.
Sa gilid ng mata ko ay nakita ko ulit siya, mukhang hindi ganoon kalakas ang tama ko. Pinagmamasdan ng babaeng nakaitim ang lahat ng kamalasan ko, kakatwang karanasan na sana kung hindi lang sobrang nakakaasar.
“Masaya ka na ba? Natutuwa ka bang makita na miserable ako ngayon?”
Ang multo ay nakatayo lang sa ilalim ng poste ng ilaw, hindi gumagalaw. Hindi na ako umaasang gagalaw siya. Mula nang maghiwalay kami ni Grace ay lagi ko na siyang nakikita tuwing hatinggabi, nakatayo lang sa ilalim ng poste ng ilaw.
Dahil sa kalasingan ay basta-basta na lang akong tumakbo sa kaniya habang umiiyak.
“Bakit kailangan niya akong iwan?”
Hinablot ko ang itim niyang bestida kaya napaatras siya. Iyon ang unang reaksyon na nakita ko sa kaniya. Bigla rin akong napaatras at tila nawala ang kalasingan nang makitang umangat ang dulo ng mahaba niyang buhok.
Ano bang iniisip ko? Kahit anong nilalang pa ito ay siguradong mapanganib ito. Napabalik ako sa katinuan at tumakbo nang mabilis. Malayo-layo na rin ang tinakbo ko nang mapansin kong hindi niya ako sinusundan.
Nakatayo lang siya roon at nakatingin sa akin.
Hindi na mahalaga kung ano pa siya, may mas importanteng bagay akong kailangang isipin. Nakauwi ako at mabilis na nakatulog. Napaginipan ko ang mga babae sa buhay ko.
Si Mimi. Si Grace. Ang babaeng nakaitim.
Lahat sila ay pinipilit kong abutin pero sobrang layo nila.
Ginising ako ng alarm ko at naramdaman kong parang binibiyak ang ulo ko dahil sa hangover. Nagpunta ako sa banyo para maghilamos at biglang naalalang na kay Mimi pa rin ang susi ko.
Ayos na rin, may dahilan ako para kausapin siya.
Lumabas ako ng bahay at halos mapasigaw ako. Napatid ako sa sintas ng sapatos ko kaya bumagsak ako sa lupa.
Nandoon pa rin ang babaeng nakaitim.
Mukhang hindi siya umalis sa puwesto niya. Pagkatapos ng nangyari kagabi, wala na akong balak lapitan siya ulit. Iniwasan ko siyang tignan at sumakay na sa dyip papunta sa bahay ni Mimi.
Pinindot ko ang doorbell ng bahay ni Mimi at nagpalinga-linga. Sinusundan ako ng babaeng nakaitim. Isang kalye ang layo niya sa akin at nakatingin lang sa direksyon ko. Wala akong pakialam kung ano ang gusto niya, may mas mahalagang bagay na kailangan kong harapin.
Kailangang malaman ni Mimi ang nararamdaman ko para sa kaniya.
Bumukas ang pinto at sinalubong ako ng malambot na kamay at matamis na ngiti ni Mimi.
“Mukhang may hindi na lasing, a,” sabi niya. Iligtas ako nawa ng diyos sa mga ngiti niya.
“Mimi, puwede ba tayong mag-usap?”
“Kung tungkol sa susi mo, binigay ko kay Jherick. Pupuntahan ka niya sa bahay mo mamayang tanghali.”
“Hindi iyon. Puwede ba akong pumasok?” Nagsimula nang magpawis ang mga palad ko at nahihirapan akong huminga, pero wala nang atrasan ‘to.
“Oo naman, ano ba ‘yon?” Dinala niya ako sa tahimik na parte ng bahay nila. Doon ay sinabi ko sa kaniya ang lahat.
Kung paanong wala pa akong nakikilalang babae na gaya niya. Kung paanong kahit kami pa noon ni Grace ay hindi ko maiwasang isipin na baka sakaling puwedeng maging kami. At ngayon na pareho kaming single ay baka puwede naming subukan.
Nabigla siya pero mukhang hindi nagulat.
“May boyfriend na ako, Ron.”
Sa sandali ring iyon ay tila gumuho ang mundo ko. Sinabi ko sa kaniya na ayos lang at kalimutan na lang niya ang sinabi ko.
“Sana maging masaya kayong dalawa,” sabi ko sa pagitan ng pag-iyak.
“Si Jherick.”
Parang sinaksak ang puso ko. Hindi pa ba sapat na hindi magiging kami ang babaeng mahal ko, at kailangang best friend ko pa ang mahalin niya? Sobra naman yata ‘yon.
Nagmamadali akong lumabas ng bahay nang hindi lumilingon. Nakarating ako sa isang tahimik na eskinita at hinayaan ang sarili ko na umiyak. Nakita ko ulit siya.
Ang babaeng nakaitim.
Siguro ay napanood niya ang lahat. Sige lang, maglibang lang siya sa panonood. Ito na ang buhay ko ngayon, isa akong wasak na pusong sinusubukang maging tao.
Hindi. Hindi dapat ganito ang kahinatnan ng lahat.
Tumayo ako at inipon ang natitirang lakas ng loob para bumalik at kausapin si Mimi. Baka may puwede akong sabihin para magbago ang isip niya. Baka may paraan para magsama kami.
Nagmamadali akong tumawid sa kalsada papunta sa bahay nila Mimi.
Kung naging mas maingat lang ako ay baka napansin ko ang kotse na papalapit sa akin.
Ang huli kong nakita ay ang babaeng nakaitim, nakangiti ito sa akin.
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English Version
“You’re not going to get these back until you’re sober,” that’s what Mimi said as she took my keys.
I keep telling them I’m okay, I’ve driven under worse conditions anyway, besides my house is just 10 minutes away, there’s no way I could get into an accident. They don’t listen and a small part of me is thankful I have friends like those, but a bigger part of me is annoyed that he has to walk home in the middle of the night.
Jherick and Deng offer to walk me a few blocks to my house but the drunk in me tells them to back off, though in a more explicit way. I don’t know why I’m like this, I shouldn’t be pushing my friends away especially now.
Ever since Grace and I broke up all I’ve been doing is drinking and being a complete ass to anyone that tried to talk to me. Everyone’s been so supportive and they don’t deserve a guy like me fighting off their friendship.
Especially Mimi, sweet, beautiful Mimi.
Out of the corner of my eye I see her again. I guess I’m just that drunk. The lady in black watching over all my misfortune, it would be poetic if it wasn’t so damn annoying.
“Are you happy now?! Do you enjoy watching me suffer?!”
The apparition stands still under the light post, unmoving. I didn’t expect anything more. Ever since my breakup I’ve been seeing her late at night, always under some sort of lamp post.
This time I’m too drunk to care, I run up to her with tears in my eyes.
“Why did she have to leave me?!”
I grab her black dress and she steps back. The first reaction I’ve ever gotten from her. Suddenly her long hair stands on end. I instinctively back away and in that moment I sober up.
What was I thinking? Whatever this is can’t be friendly. I gather my senses and run as far away as I possibly can. I manage to get a running start before I notice that I’m not being followed.
She’s just standing there looking at me.
Whatever she is it doesn’t matter. I have more important things to think about. I head home and fall asleep dreaming of the women in my life.
Mimi. Grace. The Woman in Black.
All of them form into one figure that I try to reach, but she’s so far away.
My alarm rings and my head is splitting from the hangover. I go to the bathroom to wash my face and remember that Mimi still has my keys.
At least I’ll have a reason to talk to her.
I walk outside my house and almost shout. I trip on my own shoelaces and fall to the ground.
The woman in black is still there.
She doesn’t seem to be moving and after last night I don’t think I’ll be confronting her anytime soon. I avoid looking at her and make my way to the jeep to go to Mimi’s house.
I ring Mimi’s doorbell and look around. The lady in black is following me. She’s a street away and staring in my direction. I don’t know what she wants but right now there are more pressing matters.
Mimi needs to know how I feel about her.
She opens the door, her gentle hands and radiant smile greeting me.
“Well it looks like someone finally got up,” she says. God save me from that smile.
“Mimi, can we talk?”
“If it’s about your keys I gave them to Jherick. He’s supposed to drop them by your house at lunch time.”
“No it’s not about that. Can I go in?” My palms start to sweat and it gets hard to breathe, but it’s too late to go back now.
“Of course, what is it?” She leads us to a quiet place in their house and I tell her everything.
How I’ve never met any girl as amazing as her. How even when I was with Grace I would think about her and wonder what if. How now that we’re both single maybe we could give it a chance.
She looks shocked but not surprised.
“Ron, I’m seeing someone.”
And in that moment my universe collapsed. I tell her it’s fine, to just not mention it anymore.
“I hope you two are happy,” I manage to say in between my tears.
“It’s Jherick.”
A shooting pain goes through my heart. It wasn’t enough that the girl I loved couldn’t be with me, but her together with my best friend? It was almost too much.
I rush out of the house without looking back. I find a quiet alleyway to let my tears loose and I see her.
The lady in black.
She was probably watching the whole time. Well she can enjoy the show. This is my life now, a broken heart trying to be a man.
No. This can’t be how it ends.
I stand and muster all the courage I have to go back and talk to Mimi. Maybe I can say something that would change her mind. There has to be a way we could be together.
I rush through the streets to her house.
Maybe if I was more careful I would have seen the car coming towards me.
The last thing I see is the lady in black, smiling.
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*Tagalog is an Austronesian language spoken as a first language by a quarter of the population of the Philippines and as a second language by the majority. Its standardized form, officially named Filipino, is the national language of the Philippines, and is one of two official languages alongside English.
Written by Karl Gaverza
Translation by Raquel Jacinto Pombo
Copyright © Karl Gaverza
Translation Copyright © Raquel Jacinto Pombo
Inspired by a story told by Harold Juab
Illustration by likhatsining
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