*Note this story is in Tagalog
Magmula ng pumanaw ang tito Paul niya, hindi na naging tulad ng dati si Leo. Binabalewala lang niya ang mga mensahe ko at nagkukulong na lamang siya sa kuwarto niya. Paglaon, bihira na ko na siyang makita sa paaaralan.
Kinse anyos pa lang kami noon. Nagkakilala at naging matalik na magkaibigan sa maraming taong nagdaan. Pareho kaming nag-iisang anak ng pamilya at nagkakasundo kami sa bagay na iyon.
Hindi ko nais magpanggap na alam ko kung ano man ang pinagdadaanan niya. Karamihan sa mga matatandang nakakausap ko ang nagsasabing bigyan ko lang siya ng puwang. Subalit, ang hayaan siya sa ganung kalagayan ay parang pagsuko na rin.
Tuwing hapon, pinapadalhan ko siya ng parehong mensahe:
“Uy, L si Rafa ito. Alam kong may pinagdadaanan ka. Nandito lang ako kung kailangan mo ng may makakausap o makakasama man lang. Tawagan mo ako kung kailan mo kaya. Nag-aalala lang ako sa’yo.”
Bagamat alam kong binabasa lang niya mensahe ko, ayos na rin sa akin iyon. Ang mahalaga, nandoon ako para sa kanya.
Makalipas ang isang linggo, tumugon siya sa mensahe ko, sabi:
“Kamusta R, ngayon lang ako nakasagot sa mensahe mo. Masyadong maraming nangyari kamakailan at hindi ako masyadong nakakatulog. Salamat sa patuloy na pakikipag-ugnayan, malaking bagay ito para sa akin. Mag-usap tayo pag may pagkakataon ha?”
At sumagot ako:
“Siyempre naman L, alam kong mabigat sa iyo ang nangyari sa pagkawala ng tito Paul mo. Alam kong gugustuhin niya na nasa maayos kang kalagayan.”
Ngunit nabagabag ako sa tugon niya:
“Walang hiya siya!”
Matapos ang huling komunikasyon ko kay Leo, hindi siya nakipag-ugnayan muli at naging paksa ng usap-usapan sa paaaralan. May nagsasabing dinala daw siya sa sa isang mental institution at kailangan niyang manatili doon ng buong taon. May ilan namang nagsasabi na lumayas daw siya ilang linggo na ang nakakalipas at nakita na lang na walang buhay sa isang estero subalit gusto ng pamilya niya na itago ang pagkamatay nito.
Ginawa ko lahat para iwasto ang mga hindi magagandang usapan patungkol kay Leo pero ang totoo, kapag nagsimula ang ganitong klaseng usapin, mahirap na ito pigilan.
Subalit ang lubos nakakagulo ng isipan ko ay ang huli niyang sinabi tungkol sa tito Paul niya. Matagal ko ng kilala ang pamilya nila at mukha naman na masaya sila.
Si Tita Tress, ang ina ni Leo, ay isang OFW, datapuwa’t nilalaan niya ang buong oras niya sa Saudi, bumubisita naman siya tuwing may okasyon. Sa kabilang banda, si tito Paul naman ay kilala bilang lubhang masiglahin subalit maingay na indibidwal. Lagi niyang ipinagmamalaki ang mga mga nakamit na parangal ni Leo at madalas inilalagay sa kanilang sala.
Napaisip ako ng lubusan kung ano marahil ang ibig sabihin ni Leo.
Ano ba talaga ang ugali ng tito Paul niya kapag sila-sila na lang? May pang-aabuso kayang nagaganap?
Bakit hindi ito nagawang ipabatid sa kanya ng kanyang matalik na kaibigan?
Pakiwari ko ay pinili ni Leo na sarilinin ang problema. Napagtanto ko kung gaano ako kasarili at hindi naunawaan agad ang bigat ng problema na pasan-pasan ni Leo ng mga sandaling iyon.
Lagi ko siyang pinapadalhan ng mensahe tuwing hapon at alam ko na alintana niya ang mga ito.
Ang mahalaga, buhay siya. Maisip ko lang iyon ay panatag na ako.
Pinanghawakan ko ang paniniwalang ito hanggang matapos ang huling bahagi ng taon. Natatakot ako na dumating ang araw na hindi niya babasahin ang mensahe ko at malaman ko na lang na may nangyaring masama sa kanya.
Isa lang akong takot na bata na kailangan ang kanyang matalik na kaibigan. Nanalangin na nasa maayos siyang kalagayan.
=================
Patapos na ang panahon ng tag-ulan nang sa wakas ay makatanggap ako ng tugon mula kay Leo. Isa lang itong mensahe pero napuno ako ng pag-asa. Buhay si Leo at makikita ko siya ulit.
MAGKITA TAYO SA PARKE, ALAS-ONSE NG GABI
Kahit masyadong gabi at malayo, hindi na mahalaga sa akin iyon.
Matalik na kaibigan ko si Leo at kailangan niya ako.
Nang gabing iyon, sinabi ko sa mga magulang ko na matutulog ako ng maaaga. Masunurin akong bata, may magandang grado, mabait, lagi sa oras at iba pa. Hindi maghihinala pamilya ko.
Tatlong kilometro ang layo ng parke mula sa amin at ang liwanang ng buwan ang gabay ko sa pagbibisekleta. Masuwerte ako at kabilugan ng buwan ng gabing iyon.
Nang nakarating ako sa parke, umupo ako sa tabi ng puno ng balete at hinintay si Leo.
“R”
Laging gulat ko ng may isang kamay ang sumandal sa aking mga balikat mula sa likod.
“Ano ba Leo?! Huwag mo akong takutin ng ganyan!
“Pasensya na.”
Miserable ang kaanyuan ni Leo. Magulo ang kanyang buhok, malalim ang mga mata at halata ang ikinapayat niya.
Pilit niyang iniiwasan ng tingin ang mga mata ko sapagkat hindi lingid sa kanya kung gaano kamiserable ang gayak niya pero sa kabila nito ay mahigpit ko siyang niyakap.
Hindi ko alam kung gaano katagal na ang nakalipas at nagpasya ako na basagin ang katahimikan sa pagitan naming dalawa.
“Alam ko kung gaano kahirap ang pinagdaanan mo simula ng nawala ang iyong ama.”
“HINDI MO ALAM KUNG ANONG GINAWA NIYA SA AKIN!”
Napaatras ako sa pagsagot niya at napaluha si Leo ng mga sandaling iyon.
“Tama ka, hindi ko ‘nga alam. Kaya ako nandito. Hayaan mo akong makinig. Pakiusap, L.”
“Ayaw ko ng makasakit ulit.”
“Hindi mangyayari iyon, pangako. Maupo muna tayo at mag-usap.”
“Ikaw ang maupo, mayroon kang kailangan makita.”
Nakinig ako sa sinabi niya at sumandal ako sa puno ng balete. Ang buong parke ay naiilawan ng buwan.
Walang makakapaghanda sa akin sa ginawa ni Leo. Kinikilabutan ako tuwing naaalala ko ang mga sandaling iyon.
Maririnig ang pagtunog ng buto niya sa bawat pagbaling ng kanyang leeg. Nanginginig ang kanyang katawan nang mahulog ito sa lupa at ang natira na lamang ay ang malaking puwang ng laman. Makikita ang pagtibok ng kanyang puso at ang paggalaw ng kanyang baga habang hiwalay sila mula sa katawan nito.
Lumulutang si Leo sa hangin subalit wala akong makita kundi ang kanyang ulo at mga lamang-loob.
Naduwal ako sa kahindik-hindik na nasaksihan ko.
Tumingin siya sa akin at makikita pa rin ang mga luha sa kanyang mga mata. “Ako ito. Naging ganito na ako,” malungkot na wika nito.
Mabigat ang katahimikang naramdaman ko. Sa pagkakataong ito, si Leo naman ang bumasag ng katahimikan sa pagitan naming dalawa.
Inilahad niya ang kuwento patungkol sa kanyang ama. Isang sumpa ang ipinamana sa kanilang pamilya mula sa angkan ng tito Paul niya. Nalaman lang niya ito noong pumanaw ang kanyang ama. Sila ay nabibilang sa magtatanggal, mga nilalang na kumakain ng laman ng tao. Lumilisan sila sa gabi upang maghanap ng kanilang mabibiktima.
“Noong una, pusa at aso lang hinuhuli ko, subalit habang tumatagal, nararamdaman ko na lumalakas ang sumpa. Tuwing makakakita ako ng ibang tao sa gabi ay parang gusto kong magpalit anyo at kainin ang kanilang puso.”
“Paano si tita?”
“Itinago ng ama ko ang sikreto mula sa kanya. Ito rin ang dahilan kung bakit kinonsinte niya na mag-OFW siya.”
“Marahil ito rin ang dahilan kung bakit hindi mo ako kinakausap?
“Oo.”
Bakit ngayon mo lang ito sinabi?”
Dagliang lumutang si Leo ilang layo mula sa puno.
“Nakikita mo ba ‘yang supot na ito?”
“Oo.”
Naglalaman ang supot ng asin at kung ano mang bagay na tila abo.
“Ano it–”
“Kapag nilagyan mo ng asin at abo ang aking katawan, hindi na ako muling makakabalik dito. At ‘pag nasinagan ako ng araw…”
“Anong sinasabi mo?”
“Lagyan mo ng asin at abo ang aking katawan. Hindi na ulit ako makakabalik sa katawan ko pag nasinagan ako ng araw.”
“Nais mong wakasan ko buhay mo?”
“Hindi ko na kayang gawin ito R. Sa bawat araw na lumilipas, sinasabi ng sarili ko na pumatay. Naiintindihan mo ba? Makakapanakit lang ako at mauulit lang ito hanggang sa wala na itong katapusan. Magiging mas madali sa akin ang pamamaraang naiisip ko habang hindi pa ako tuluyang nagiging tunay na halimaw.
“Hindi dapat magkaganito. Hahanap tayo ng pwede nating kausapin hinggil dito, may magagawa pa tayo.”
Lumapait si Leo sa akin, animo ay lumulutang sa hangin.
“Alam mo ba na nagtatago ng tropeo ang aking ama? Mga bagay na nagpapaalala ng kanyang mga biktima. Ipinakita niya sa akin ito bago niya ibigay ang sumpa. Binubuo ito ng mga buto, mga malilit na uri. Siguro malapit sa ilang daan ang bilang nito.
Napapatahimik na lang ako.
“L, huwag mong akong piliting gawin sa iyo ito, matalik mo akong kaibigan.”
“Kaya ko ito sinasabi sa iyo. Pakiusap R, hindi ko na nais makapanakit pa ng iba.
Napahikbi na lang sa iyak si Leo at ang kanyang luha ay walang tigil ang pagpatak sa mga lumulutang na lamang-loob nito.
Kasabay nito, dumaloy ang mga alaala sa aking isipan, ang takot na tumitibok sa aking pulso, at ang ibang gunita ng kahapon.
“Naalala mo ba noong sampung taong gulang pa tayo, at akala ko na kaya kong lumipad?
“Oo, at kalahating taon na nakabalot ang paa mo dahil nabalian ka.”
“Anong pakiramdam kapag lumilipad ka?”
“Ito ang pinakamalayang pakiramdam na mararanasan mo.”
“At gusto mo itong tapusin?”
“Oo.”
Lumapit ako sa walang laman na katawan ni Leo. Matapos ang ilang sandali ay isinaboy ko dito ang asin at abo.
Tumingin ako sa kanyang mata at tinanong, “mayroon pa ba akong magagawa para sa’yo?”
“Maaari ka bang manatili muna sandali? Kahit hanggang sumikat ang araw?”
“Oo naman, para sa’yo.”
Ilang oras kaming naghintay hanggang dumating ang bukang-liwayway. Hindi ko inaasahan na mabilis ang mga susunod na pangyayari. Matapos haplusin ng liwanag, ang kanyang ulo at katawan ay dagliang nadurog ng pinong-pino na animo’y buhangin.
Kalaunan, nalaman din ng aking magulang ang ginawa kong pagtakas ng gabing iyon. Sinabi ko na hinanap ko si Leo at hindi naman ako pinarusahan. Palagay ko ay nakita nila akong umiiyak.
Makalipas noon, maraming naging haka-haka tungkol kay Leo. Ang pinaka-patok ay ang paglayas niya at ang pag-aakalang namatay na siya. Hindi ko na iniwaksi ang paniniwala nila hanggang lumipas ang panahon at nakalimutan na ito ng mga tao.
=———————————————————–=
English Version
Leo wasn’t the same after tito Paul died. He’d ignore my messages and hole himself in his room. It became rarer and rarer to see him in school.
Back then we were only fifteen. We met in grade school and had been best friends for years. Both of us were the only child of our family and we bonded through that.
I didn’t want to pretend that I knew what he was going through. Most of the adults that I talked to told me to give him space, but that, to me, just felt like giving up.
Every afternoon I’d send the same message:
“Hey L it’s Rafa. I know you’re going through some stuff right now. I’m always here if you need me, to talk or just to be there. Hit me up when you can please. I’m really worried about you.”
He’d leave me on seen, which was still a relief for me. At least he’d know I was there.
After a week he finally messaged back:
“Hey R, sorry I didn’t get back to you ‘til now. Things have been getting too much to handle, haven’t been sleeping much. Thanks for reaching out to me, I really appreciate it. Let’s talk soon alright?”
And I replied:
“Of course L, I know tito Paul’s passing hit you hard. I know wherever he is now he’s wishing you’re alright.”
His reply unsettled me:
“He was a bastard.”
=————————————————————=
After that conversation Leo didn’t contact me for a month. He was the main topic of everyone’s gossip in school. Someone started the rumor that he was put in a mental institution and would have to stay there for the whole year. There was another where they said he ran away weeks ago and they found him in a ditch and the family wanted to keep his death a secret.
I tried to shut them down the best I could, but once the words were out in the air they couldn’t be brought down.
Leo’s last message still disconcerted me. I had known their family for years and they seemed to be happy.
Tita Tress was an OFW, she spent most of her time in Saudi, but would visit every now and then, every other year during holiday season. Tito Paul was a loud man, in the best sense of the term. He would always tell everyone about Leo’s achievements and would put them all over their sala.
My mind raced to all the possibilities of what Leo could have meant.
What was tito Paul like behind closed doors? Was there any kind of abuse?
Why didn’t my best friend tell me?
Looking back, I realize how selfish I was, trying to make this about myself. Leo was the one that had the problem. If he didn’t want to tell me that was his choice.
I still messaged him every afternoon and he still would leave me on seen.
At the very least he’s alive. I’d think to myself.
I hung onto that thought to the latter part of that year. I was so scared that he’d leave my messages unseen and I’d never hear from him ever again.
I was just a scared kid that needed his best friend to be okay.
=———————————————————————————=
It was the end of the rainy season when I finally got a response from Leo. It was just one message but it filled my heart with hope. Leo was alive and I could finally see him.
MEET ME AT THE PARK TONIGHT AT 11
It was late. It was far. It didn’t matter.
Leo was my best friend and he needed me.
That night I told my parents that I was going to bed early. I was the requisite good boy. Good grades, well behaved, always on time, etc. My family wouldn’t suspect a thing.
The park was 3 kilometers away from me and I biked using the light of the moon. I was lucky there was a full moon that night.
When I got to the park I sat by the balete tree and waited for Leo.
“R?”
A hand gripped my shoulder from behind and my heart nearly jumped to my chest.
“Dammit L, don’t scare me like that! God!”
“Sorry.”
Leo looked awful. His hair was disheveled, eyes sunken and he was thinner than I’d ever seen him.
He tried to avoid eye contact and took a step back, knowing what he looked like.
I still gave him the biggest hug I could.
I didn’t know how much time passed and I thought it would be best for me to break the silence.
“I know things have been rough since your dad passed.”
“YOU DON’T KNOW WHAT HE TURNED ME INTO!”
The reply made me step back. Leo face was flooding with tears.
“You’re right, I don’t. But that’s why I’m here. Let me listen. Please, L.”
“I just don’t want to hurt anyone.”
“You won’t hurt me, I promise. Let’s just have a seat and talk, okay?”
“You should sit, I need you to see this.”
I did what he asked, sitting back by the balete tree. The whole park was illuminated by the light of the full moon.
Nothing could have prepared me for what Leo was about to do. Even now the memory horrifies me.
I could hear his spine crack as his neck turned. His body shivered as it fell to the ground and what was left was hollow. I could see his heart beat and his lungs inflate as they detached.
He was floating through the air with nothing but his head and organs.
I vomited as the grisly spectacle finished.
He looked at me and I could still see the tears in his eyes. He said, “This is me. This is what I have become.”
The silence was heavy.
This time it was Leo who broke the silence.
He told me about his father. There was an inheritance from tito Paul’s side of the family, a curse that Leo only learned about as his father passed away. They were magtatangal, creatures that fed on human flesh who flew at night, searching for victims.
“I tried to be only catching cats and dogs, but every day the curse gets stronger. Every time I see someone at night I want to change and eat their hearts.”
“What about tita?”
“Papa kept the curse a secret from her, it’s why he pushed her to be an OFW.”
“This is why you haven’t talked to me.”
“Yes.”
“Why are you telling me this now?”
Leo floated to a tree a few meters away.
“Do you see that bag?”
“Yeah.”
“Open it.”
The bag was filled with salt and what looked to be a grey powder.
“What is—”
“If you put the salt and ashes on my body I won’t be able to reattach. Once the sun hits me….”
“What are you talking about?”
“If the ash and salt are sprinkled on my body, I won’t be able to reattach. If I cant be complete when the sun hits, I won’t be coming back from that.”
“You…..do you want me to kill you?!”
“I can’t keep doing this R. Every day my instincts tell me to kill people I see. Don’t you understand?! I’m going to hurt someone and then another and then another. It’s just going to get easier for me. Until I’m as much a monster as I look like.”
“It doesn’t have to be this way, we can find someone to talk to, there has to be something else we can do!”
Leo floated nearer to me.
“Did you know my dad kept trophies? He showed them to me before he gave me the curse. They were bones, small ones. There must have been hundreds of them.”
Another pause, another break in the silence.
“L, please don’t make me do this. I’m your best friend.”
“That’s why I’m telling you this. Please R. I don’t wat to hurt anyone else.”
Leo sobbed unceasingly, his tears falling onto his floating organs.
Memories started to flood my mind, the fear pulsing through my veins, until something struck me.
“Remember when we were ten and I thought I could fly?”
“Yeah your leg had to be in a cast for nearly half a year.”
“What’s it like to fly?”
“It’s the most liberating feeling you could ever have.”
“And you still want to end it?”
“Yes.”
I stood above his hollow body and sprinkled the salt and ash.
I looked at Leo in his eyes and asked him, “is there anything else you want me to do?”
“Can you stay with me? Until the sun comes up?”
“Anything for you.”
We sat there for hours waiting for sunrise. When it happened it was faster than I expected, Leo’s body and head disintegrated as soon as the sun rays hit them.
When my parents found out that I snuck out they were livid. I told them I was trying to find Leo and they eased out of punishing me. I think they saw that I was crying.
There was even more gossip after that. Leo ran away and was assumed dead was the most popular theory. I never corrected them and as the years passed people forgot.
=———————————————-=
To this day, I still remember him asking me to make the most difficult decision of our lives.
Goodbye L.
I’ll always miss you.
=———————————————–=
Inspired by the description of the Magtatangal in “Distinctions Made Among the Priests of the Devil” in “Customs of the Tagalogs” by Juan de Plasencia. 1589.
Magtatangal Illustration by Fam Telmo
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