*Note this story is in Tagalog
Dumadaloy ang malalamabot niyang buhok sa kaniyang balikat. Sumasayaw at nakikisabay siya sa bawat pintig ng ilog hanggang sa maabot niya ang tabing-ilog.
Tinitingnan niya ang inihandog sa kaniya na may pinagsamang tuwa at inis. Mayroong nagbigay sa kaniya na hindi puti, at manok na may hiwa sa leeg nito. Kahit na maraming inialay sa kaniya na magaganda, nakaramdam pa rin siya ng inis at galit. Kaya dahil sa pagsuway na iyon pinalakas niya ang pagragasa ng ilog para mahirap makapangisda ang mga naninirahan doon.
Bumalik ulit siya sa ilog, kinaawaan niya ang ibang espiritu ng kagubatan dahil hindi nila matutuhan ang lihim ng ilog. Walang oras para sa kaniya. Makikita kahit saan ang ilog, sa talon na pinanggalingan nito, sa malakas na pagragasa, sa karagatan, sa kagubatan, at sa mga sapa. Mayroon lang kasalukuyan. Iisa lang ang ilog.
Nararamdaman niya ang bawat yanig sa tubig, mula sa mga hayop ng kagubatan hanggang sa mga mangingisdang nahihirapang isabay ang kanilang mga bangka sa daloy ng tubig. Palagi niyang nasusubaybayan ang pangyayaring iyon. Kayang itago ng mga espirito sa mababang mundo ang kanilang nakaraan, samantalang ang mga espirito sa Kaitaasan ay nagpapakasaya sa pagpapalaganap ng kanilang kababalaghan.
Napaisip siya kung paano naging kakaiba ang ilog. Palagi itong nakikita, pero hindi ito tumitigil. Naglalaman ito ng tubig pero lagi itong napapalitan. Laging nagbabago ang ilog. Nakakahanap ito ng paraan sa mga harang at gumagawa ito ng butas para ito ay makadaloy. Nakakarinig siya ng mga kuwento mula sa ibang mga matatandang espirito sa kalayuan. Ang sabi nila ay may kakayahan ang mga taong gamitin ang lakas ng ilog para sa kanilang kapakanan. Ito ay isang malaking gusaling gawa sa bato at bakal na kayang baguhin ang paggalaw ng tubig, pero palaisipan sa mga espirito kung saan gagamitin ng mga tao ang lakas nito. Ayaw niya nang pag-isipan ang mga kuwentong iyon, dahil hindi ganoon ang isang ilog. Hindi para sa kaniya.
Napaisip siya tungkol sa mga tao at nagtaka kung katulad din sila ng ilog, dumadaloy pero sa ibang paraan. Nagbabago rin ba sila, sumasabog kapag napupuno ang kanilang kakayahan, o natutuyot kapag sobrang mainit? Lumalaki ba sila at pinapalawig ang kanilang kapaligiran o nakapirmi lang sila at hindi gumagalaw? Ginagamit din ba ng ibang tao ang kapwa nila para sa kanilang pansariling layunin?
Wala siyang pagkakaalam sa mga tao bukod sa inihahandog nila sa kaniya. Nararamdaman niya ang paglangoy nila sa tubig. Hindi niya alam kung bakit gustong-gusto nila sa tubig kahit na hindi sila ginawa para doon. Hindi sila nakakahinga sa tubig, pero masaya silang lumalangoy na parang isda.
Iyon ang mga katanungan na hinahanapan niya ng kasagutan sa kasalukuyan.
Nabigla ang isang mangingisda nang nagkatawang-tao siya sa harapan nito. Napaluhod ito at humingi ng tawad, pero hindi iyon mahalaga sa kaniya. Pinapalibutan silang dalawa ng mga rosas hanggang sila ay naglaho.
“Nagugustuhan niyo ba ang ilog”
“Nasaan ako? Dakilang espirito patawarin niyo po ako!”
“Tumayo ka, hindi mo kailangang humingi ng tawad. Sagutin mo ang aking mga katanungan at makakabalik ka na sa iyong mundo.”
“Bakit po ako nandito?”
“Gusto niyo ba ang ilog? Nagbabago rin ba kayo at lumalaki?
“…Hindi ko po kayang magsalita para sa ibang tao. Masyado pa po akong bata at hindi pa sapat ang aking kaalaman para bigyan ko kayo ng kasagutan.”
“Bigyan mo pa rin ako ng sagot. Nagbabago ba ang mga tao?”
“Opo, nagbabago at lumalaki po kami mula pagkabata. Nagbabago rin kami sa bawat pagsubok na ibinibigay sa amin ng buhay.”
“Nahihirapan ba kayo?”
“Opo, lagi naming naaalala ang aming mga pinagdaanan.”
“Sabihin mo sa akin kung anu-ano iyon.”
“A…”
“Magsalita ka!”
“Nawala ang aking tatay noong ako ay bata pa. Nahihirapan akong mangaso, kahit na tinuruan na ako ng aking mga tito. HIndi ko rin kayang sundan ang tamang panahon para sa pagtatanim. Ang mga bungang nakukuha ko ay sapat lamang sa akin at sa aking nanay. Ayaw kong maging pabigat sa aking pamilya kaya tinuruan ko ang aking sarili mangisda para makakuha ng maraming pagkain.”
“At doon tayo nagkita.”
“Opo”
“Nagbago ka ba mula pagkabata?”
“Kinakailangan. Simula nang pumanaw aking tatay ako na ang bumubuhay sa aming pamilya. Kailangan kong siguruduhin na may mag-aalaga sa nanay ko.
“Parang isang espadang nakabaon sa lupa.”
“Ano po iyon?”
“Wala iyon. Magpatuloy ka lang.”
“Sinubukan kong maging malakas kahit na mahirap. Sinabi sa akin ng mga tito ko na isang malakas na mandirigma ang aking tatay at kailangan kong sundan ang kaniyang nasimulan, pero ngayon pakiramdam ko na isa lamang akong takot na bata.”
“Gusto nilang sumunod ka lang sa kanila.”
“Tama! Kahit na may pagkakataon na hindi ko na alam kung ang gagawin ko. Tuwing gabi, pupunta lang ako sa bangin malapit-lapit sa bahay namin para lang magkaroon ako ng oras para sa sarili ko.”
“Pero hindi iyon nangyayari, tama ba?”
“Opo, tama.”
“Salamat, sa pagsagot sa aking mga tanong.”
“Teka! Bago ako umalis, may itatanong muna ako.”
“Nakuha mo naman ang aking paggalang. Ano ang gusto mong malaman?”
“Gagaan naman ba?”
“Ano ang gagaan?”
“Ang aking buhay? Nakakasiguro naman ako na kayang tingnan ng isang dakilang espirito na katulad mo ang aking hinaharap.”
“Mayroon akong sasabihin sa iyong kuwento. Noong una, hinahabol ko ang ilaw ng buwan sa pamamagitan ng ilog. Nararamdaman ko ito sa aking katawan tuwing tumatama ang ilaw sa kaulapan. Tinawid ko ang kagubatan at mga sapa sa kabundukan para lang mahuli ang liwanag ng buwan. Araw-araw kong naiisip na abutin ang liwanag, pero lagi akong iniiwasan nito. Gabi-gabi akong nananaginip na hawak-hawak ang liwanag sa aking mga kamay.”
“Pero hindi mo kayang hulihin ang liwanag!”
“Hindi ko pa alam iyon dati, dahil isa akong bata na nagtataglay ng kahangalan at kayabangan.”
“Ano po ang nangyari?”
“Isang gabi, sobrang liwanag ng buwan at sinundan ko ito sa ilog. Hinayaan ko ang buwan na ilawan ang talon at ang sapa. Sa pagkakataong iyon nalaman ko na hindi ko kayang hulihin ang isang magandang liwanag, kaya tumigil na ako sa puntong iyon. At tuwing makikita ko ang malaking buwan sa kalangitan, ngingiti na lang ako at inaalala ang nakaraan.”
“Ano po ang kinalaman ng pangyayaring iyon sa katanungan ko?”
“Wala. Lahat. Ikaw na ang magpasya.”
“…paalam, espirito.”
“Paalam, sana marami kang mahuli sa iyong pangingisda.”
Noong gabi na iyon, tumingin ang mangingisda sa buwan para alalahanin ang kinuwento sa kaniya ng espirito. Siya lang ang nakahuli ng isda sa araw na iyon at ipinamahagi niya ang nahuli sa kaniyang pamilya. Nagtataka siya kung ano ang ninanais sabihin ng espirito. Napaisip na lang siya na baka may makukuha siya kapag sumapit na ang bukang-liwayway na hindi kayang ipakita ng buwan.
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English Version
Her hair flowed like water, running down her shoulders in a cascade of black. She danced in rhythm with the pulsing of the river, slowly moving with the current until she reached the riverbank.
She surveyed the offerings with a mixture of pleasure and annoyance. There was an offering that was not white, a single brown chicken with its throat slashed, though there were more than enough other offerings to make up for it, a tinge of offense still lingered on her tongue. She told herself that she would not forget this affront and with a flick of her hand made the current stronger.
She made sure that the fishermen would have a hard day’s work.
She flowed back into the river now, how she pitied the other spirits of the forest that they would never learn the secrets of the river. There was no such thing as time as far as she was concerned. The river is everywhere, at the source, at the waterfall, in the current, in the oceans and mountains and streams. There was only the present. There was only the river.
Every small disturbance in the water she could feel, from the forest creatures lapping up the life giving fluid to the fishermen struggling to steer their boats through the current. She bathed in the pureness of that moment. The spirits in the lower world could keep their secrets of the past and the spirits of the Skyworld could waste their time on riddles of the future.
She thought to herself how strange a river is. It would always be there but it is never still. It is made up of water, but the water never stays in the same place. The river is constant change. It makes its way through the land and cuts through the earth like a sword. She had heard tales from other spirits of great rivers in faraway lands where humans would harness the river’s power for their own use. Great structures of stone and steel would divert the coursing rapids, for what purpose, the spirits didn’t know. She didn’t like to think about those stories, for that is not what the river is. Not to her at least.
She thought about humans and wondered if they were like the river, flowing but different? Do they also change, bursting like a riverbank from too much rain, or drying up in times of drought? Will they grow and widen their surroundings or stay still and unmoving? Will other humans confine them and use their flow for their own purpose?
She had not known many humans in her time apart from the times when offerings were given to her. She could feel them in the river when they swam, of course. She could not understand why beings like them stayed in her waters when they were so ill-equipped for it. They couldn’t even breathe in the water, yet they wanted to swim like fish.
These were questions that she wished to find answers to and what better time to ask then the present?
Her form materialized in front of a confused fisherman. He fell to his knees and asked for forgiveness, but she was not interested in that. The river rose and engulfed them both and in an instant they were gone.
“Are humans like the river?”
“Where am I? Great spirit please forgive me!”
“Get up, you have nothing that needs forgiving. Answer my questions and you will return to your world.”
“Please spirit, why am I here?”
“Are humans like the river? Do they change and grow?”
“…I cannot speak for all humans, great spirit. I am too young and not wise enough to give you your answers.”
“Answer me all the same. Do humans change?”
“…Yes we do. We change from children to adults, each part of our life facing new challenges the world will give us.”
“Were you challenged as well?”
“Yes great spirit, challenges are all I have ever known.”
“Tell me about them.”
“I…”
“Speak!”
“…I was very young when I lost my father. I learned the ways of hunting and farming from my uncles, but it was difficult. I could not follow the seasons of planting as well as I should have. The harvest was only enough to sustain myself and my mother. I did not want to be a burden to the rest of my family so I taught myself how to fish in the river for more food.”
“And that is where we met.”
“Yes, great spirit.”
“Have you changed since you were young?”
“I had to. Since my father’s passing I had to make the decisions for our household. I needed to make sure there was someone to take care of my mother.”
“Like a sword through the earth.”
“…spirit?”
“Never mind. Tell me more.”
“I tried to be strong, but it just gets so hard. My uncles tell me that my father was a great warrior and that I should follow in his footsteps, but now I feel like a scared child.”
“They want you to flow where they want.”
“Exactly! Sometimes I don’t know where to go. During the night I go to the cliffside near my house so I can feel alone, for just a moment. “
“But that moment never comes does it?”
“No. It doesn’t.”
“Thank you, fisherman, for answering my questions.”
“Wait! Before I go, I would ask you something.”
“You’ve earned that much. What is it you wish to know?”
“Does it get any easier?”
“Does what get any easier?”
“My life? Surely a great and powerful spirit like yourself can see the future!”
“Let me tell you a story. Once, I was chasing the moonlight through the river. I could feel it in my bones whenever it shined through the clouds. I crossed the mountain streams and even drifted to the ocean to catch just one band of moonlight. For days upon months upon years I could only think of catching the moonlight, but always it eluded me. I spent nights dreaming that I would hold it in my hands.”
“But you can’t catch moonlight!”
“I did not know that then, I was once a young spirit full of pride and foolishness.”
“What happened?”
“One night, when the moon was bright, I flowed into the river and let the moon shine through every waterfall and stream. In that moment I knew I could not trap something so beautiful, so I let my dream fade into the night. When the moon is full I think back to that moment and smile.”
“What does that have to do with my question?”
“Nothing. Everything. It is up to you to decide.”
“….goodbye spirit.”
“Goodbye young fisherman, may your catch be bountiful.”
That night the fisherman looked to the moon and remembered the spirit’s story. He was the only one to catch fish that day and he shared his bounty with his family. He wondered what the spirit was trying to tell him and sighed. Maybe the sunrise would tell him what the full moon could not.
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*Tagalog is an Austronesian language spoken as a first language by a quarter of the population of the Philippines and as a second language by the majority. Its standardized form, officially named Filipino, is the national language of the Philippines, and is one of two official languages alongside English.
Written by Karl Gaverza
Translation by Emman Bernardino
Copyright © Karl Gaverza
Translation Copyright © Emman Bernardino
Inspired by the Yumud description in CURRENT RESEARCH IN ETHNOMUSICOLOGY, Vol. 4 = Jose` S. Buenconsejo : Songs and Gifts at the Frontier : Person and Exchange in the Agusan Manobo Possession Ritual. Philippines. Routledge, NY & London, 2002.
Yumud Illustration by Alek Weber
FB: Beartrap, par Alekibutt
